just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
