So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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