I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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