my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
