Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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