Define "chronic" masturbator.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
