So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I AM VODKA MAN
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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