You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
