dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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