In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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