btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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