Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
