I think im going to throw up on grandma
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
