i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
