idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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