UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
