I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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