This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
