i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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