My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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