worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
