Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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