yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
