I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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