I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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