I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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