the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
