There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
