He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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