I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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