you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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