im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
