ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
