EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
