True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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