omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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