I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
