Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
