my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
