I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
