This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
