yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
