Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
