I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
