Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
