wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
