Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
