Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
