im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
