sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
