My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
