She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
