So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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