meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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