I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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