whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
