You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
