What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
