He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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