It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
