in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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