I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
