is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
