I showed him my bush... on skype.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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