found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
