Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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