i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
