Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize