Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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