Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
