so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
