U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
