Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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