Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
