I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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