I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
